I received an interesting question based on my last post about happiness. The reader asked, but what if you try and try and never have a best seller? In other words, what if I do all of those things I listed but my writing plans don’t work out?
Perhaps I should add one more category for happiness: resiliency.
Dr. David Burns wrote a fabulous book called Feeling Good. It’s meant to help people with depression, but I think it’s good for anyone. I read it often. Even Kelly Sunshine needs a tune up now and then. :-) Anyway, he quoted studies that state people pretty much stay at the same emotional equilibrium (either born with or developed) no matter what happens.
That said, he acknowledged when bad things happen people are sad. Period. But after awhile people right themselves to their own particular level of happy…or not happy. He even studied people with terminal diseases and after the initial shock and grief, they reverted back to where they had been before the diagnosis.
As Lincoln said, everyone’s about as happy as they make up their mind to be. And Lincoln had many sad events happen to and around him.
So what do you do to get back on track? Here’s what works for me.
One. Acknowledge bad things will happen. No one lives a charmed life except Samantha, and even she had a cranky husband most of the time.
Two. It doesn’t help much to compare yourself to others. You can always find someone worse off and someone better.
Three. Talk it over with a friend or family member or get help if you can’t shake it off. I don’t think there’s anyone who couldn’t use a good shrink at least once in their life.
Four. Either except or move on. Complaining about how you wish it was does no good. Well, a good whine now and then can be therapeutic, but not if it turns into the never ending story.
As I writer, here’s what that means for my happiness resiliency.
•I must accept bad things will happen, e.g. rejections, writer’s block, a stupid editing mistake that goes into print before I can stop it.
•I understand that comparing my progress to Stephanie Meyer will only decrease my happiness.
•If I have a really bad time I will talk it over with my husband or my sister; they both love me AND they are writers. I will keep moaning to a minimum and be happy with what I’ve done.
•And if I come to a place where I’m tired of beating my head against the wall, I will do something different.
But I don’t think I’ll have to. See? Doin' The Happy.
The world is so full of a number of things, I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings. -Robert Louis Stevenson
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