Taking It

Take it like a man. Just get over it. I was only joking. Don’t be so thin skinned. I’m just trying to help.

Heard any of those? Our society says one should be able to “take” a joke, meaning one should be able to laugh at oneself. I whole-heartedly agree with not taking yourself too seriously. Let’s face it, we all do silly things. To pretend otherwise is to deny your humanness.

I have a hard time defining the difference between a playful jab and a stinging slap. But like the famous Supreme Court judge and his definition of pornography, I know it when I see it. For me, when someone is “teasing” me about things I am insecure about that is no fun. Sometimes even if I am secure, if I hear about it over and over it becomes tiresome.

Unless it is a big deal I just ignore it. That way when something really bugs me I know people will listen and hopefully cease.

As a writer, “taking it” most often occurs when your book is being edited. An editor’s job is to find the mistakes. You WANT them to find mistakes. Another part of their role is to suggest changes and additions. Again, you want their advice. The tricky part is knowing when they have gone too far.

I’ve worked with sweet editors, ridiculing editors, picky editors, and editors who want to completely change my story. I don’t say anything to Mr. Ridicule or Ms. Picky; I ignore the bashes and follow their rules, even if I don’t agree.

A couple of times I’ve been asked to change something I felt would destroy the integrity of my story. Because I usually do anything an editor asks without question, they listen when I politely ask for a discussion.

Just like ignoring minor teasing, you must know when to pick your battles. If you argue over a word choice, for example, you may have no chips left when a truly important issue comes your way.

One last note: I thank every editor I’ve ever had, even the interpersonally challenged. Every one has worked hard, and every one has added much to my final outcome.

But I put the sweet ones in my liner notes. :-)