Quiet

I’m a quiet person by nature, an introvert. For those of you not familiar with personality typing, introversion is not a bad thing; it simply means one is internally motivated. Behaviorally, most introverts listen more than they talk. I chose a career as a psychologist because my introversion played into this natural tendency.

But I worked in a corporate arena, which is very different from private practice.

In corporate America quiet people are often labeled as less smart or capable. So I developed a fast talking, sarcastic, morbidly witty persona. This wasn’t all bad. I became very good at public speaking. I learned how to defend myself. And most importantly, the executives I worked with responded well to dark wit; they wanted quick solutions to their problems delivered in a humorous manner.

But that persona was never me. After I left the corporate world, I interacted less and less with people who appreciated that personality overlay. And of course, I had never used it with my friends and family. I worried for a while that I was loosing my “edge.”

My husband and I were taking a walk the other day and he asked me if everything was OK. I was surprised. We were strolling through the woods, listening to the birds, admiring the beautiful fall colors and bright blue sky. I asked him why he asked. Because you’re so quiet, he said. I just smiled and said everything was wonderful.

Paying attention to my own thoughts and observations was my first step in reclaiming the quiet. I had doused my internal voice for many years. Step two has been listening to other people’s thoughts and observations without necessarily trying to fix. I’ve realized that fixing has been a way for me to prove my worth and my intelligence, and that usually people don’t want to be fixed, they just want someone to listen.

This change in my thinking has caused me to understand people in a way I’ve never done before. Good for personal growth of course, but it also gives me a huge pallet upon which to paint stories. Humans are endless fascinating. And everyone has a story to tell.

It’s amazing what one can hear when not talking. :-)